Andrew Yang For CEO of America

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What is the hot topic in the streets these days? Who does Dilvany support for the President of the United States? In response to such scathing accusations as to accuse me of participating in normie politics, I must beg you to please stop. I am a revolutionary always waiting for the next thing on the horizon. Who is the most revolutionary candidate running right now? Andrew Yang! Yang Gang!

The Shareholders

Imagine that you are a shareholder of a corporation. You need to help select your next CEO, the person responsible for delivering value to you. All the candidates have slogans like this.

  • Our Best Days Still Lie Ahead
  • We Rise
  • A Fresh Start for our Company
  • One Corporation. One Destiny.
  • Lead with Love
  • For The Shareholders
  • Win With Warren
  • Make Corporation Great Again…

Wait this is just a slightly altered selection of our current candidates slogans we need to choose from. Yes child, our candidates offer us a confusing array of heterogeneous items. I will give you justice, healthcare for more kids, and rebuild that highway. What is the value of these things? I don’t know. 

I really hate the kind of illogicalness of this type of feel good politics that emanates the world. People are like trump is gonna bring back the jobs! Bernie and Warren gonna give me free college. I was reminded the other day of the third rule of acquisition: never spend more for an acquisition than you have to. In the clip, I just shared, they are discussing what cost they are willing to pay for peace. It is remarked that it is completely irrational to say peace is worth any cost. We see this with people: any law at any cost in the name of common sense, any price is worth paying inorder to be safe. I feel disgusted writing such trash, because people have been trained to believe it.

Now imagine if you could be paying $100 for something, but instead because of the illogical and confusing nature of society causes you to pay $200. What do we call this? Well the person collecting that extra $100 is as parasite collecting rent and draining you of your life energy. Good job, kiddo. Let me tell you society is full of rent seekers. Why? Because we have no idea what the cost of anything is. New parasites are created daily with the support of the people. Tariff, subsidize, incentivize, tax, spend, revitalize, invest, blah blah blah. Just shifting money around. I am not there to educate you on some of the finer points of the Virginia School of Political Economy. I am not qualified. I think you are prepared to believe that the people in charge are confusing you and ripping you off.


What is more simple than a number? Nothing! What do you want: $1000 or “Common sense solutions for our great nation”? I think we are tempted to call the later a bullshit scam artist trying to rob us of our $1000. Why would I give up $1000 to have your vague promises? I am not gullible enough to fall for scam infomercials. 

Political discussions will be much more efficient once we condense this into a number. Now when you are arguing with your family about politics at Thanksgiving or another holiday. You can just do top trumps rules, biggest number wins. This is of course assuming the incumbent didn’t fail to meet target, then it is price is right rules. Sounds simple, but it is NOT! Different people get different values. 

We have the issue of time discounting. People value $1000 now more than $1000 in 10 years. This is the reason for interest. Consider that some people who are needy might take $100 now and give up $1000 in 10 years, but others would still prefer the $1000 in 10 years even if offered $500 now. In fact if you do the math, the return on investment is not bad. Some people are willing to play the long game and others have more pressing needs. 

Now to revisit Andrew Yang let us say he taxes everyone on average $1000 more a month. This burden is not going to fall evenly on everyone. You could say that on net it is a wash, plus or minus some small dead weight loss and market failure arguments. This ignores the fact that some may win and others will lose. So in reality there isn’t really just one number there is many numbers. 

Cash Money

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You know what confuses the numbers even more? Government services! Now the problem with government services is that even if you are considered hyper needy, you can’t just take the cash. It is nice having various free shit from the government, but also it might be something we pay for because it feels good. Like inner city hip hop dance classes or public education; all the same. I would rather take the cash and defund these wasteful programs. 

Cash is king and makes number calculation easy. Thus I propose that we have the government only provide the most uncontroversial services at the most basic level. Then we just give people cash to make the numbers easy. This will save us a lot of time. Economists, Journalists, and Politicians will have to finally look for something productive to do with their lives. Their job of trying to put spin on things is over, we have our number. $1000 Cash Money! Can’t tell me nothing.

Do Gooder Alert

I have been notified that the do gooders are arriving to destroy my vision of a Yang Gang Corporate Neoliberal State. The first thing do gooders will try to do to undermine our vision will be to start spreading their propaganda about why you want a lower number. They will say something like, I am willing to take a lower number for the good of this country. This is pathetic and morally disgusting. Smug liberals and bleeding heart conservatives are an existential threat to our vision. 

Mock anyone who does not want to secure that bag, they are trying to fool you into accepting a parasitic priest class. Encouraging voting for a lesser number is to essentially normalize the turning off of a pain mechanism. It is the normalization of a congenital illness in the political conscious. You know what you want, you are a living and feeling being. You want the bag, don’t let them lead you to your own death.

Checks and Balances

People are seemingly concerned about checks and balances in government. If we make Andrew Yang the CEO, he will have too much power and we all know having power corrupts or something like that. This ignores the reality of power, that in order to have it and exercise it you are constrained by the institutions. 

I am willing to compromise to realize my vision of Yang Gang. We will take on a second CEO. This way we can represent two reasonable perspectives. Andrew Yang will be the CEO representing Blue America and Donald Trump will be the CEO representing Red America. Now that we have checks and balances in place, I would like to move forward.

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Open Them Borders

An older man I had dated told me the “great” sex advice he tells his young son. If you fucking them hoes, you need to ask them about their immigration policy first. If she is a bit tight with the number of people she lets in, then you need to sweet talk her into opening up them borders. Then you can go straight in for that goody good.

I think it is no coincidence that people have both a flawed view of sex and immigration. People think that immigrants are coming here to coerce us out of our hard earned money. They will become citizens and get on welfare and drain us dry. People think that women are sluts and you need to trick them into gifting you sex. These acts can and should be mutually beneficial. It is strange that we are convinced they are not, even though it is uncontroversial.

Andrew Yang is a staunch defender of closed borders, but I think this is a temporary solution to the immediate problem. He knows that this country is in a crisis of we the shareholders (citizens) are not receiving our value and it is being stolen away from us. To restabilize this, we need to secure a strong dividend and control outside entry. I envision this will come with end of birthright citizenship and harsh border restrictions in the short-term. 

Theme Park America

Imagine that America is a well built and well maintained theme park. All citizens basically get fast past season tickets. Now some people are like well damn I want to come and enjoy this theme park. I am willing to work all the shitty jobs in the theme park or pay a premium to gain entry. 

For the most part America, as it currently is with its institutions, is pretty grounded and good at generating wealth. People want to come here because the institutions, laws, and infrastructure are what gives this country it’s high living standards. People who live in shitty parts of the world are willing to give us money to live under our system. This is great, we can collect rent from the foreigners who want to come here and they get to live in our great country. It is a win win situation. 

Lost your low skilled job to an immigrant? Now you will be laughing all the way to the bank as you can enjoy the returns of this great country we built. People are willing to pay you the privilege of working your job. Your cut of the profits will be distributed as a freedom dividend.

Corporation Now

The last few points were a bit of an indulgence and a departure for Yang Gang literalism. But I am showing you the future that can come when you start to think of yourself as a shareholder and your nation as a profit making enterprise. As a citizen you are missing out on a lot of opportunities to make cold hard cash hand over fist. Reject citizenship and embrace your future as a shareholder. Andrew Yang 2020! YANG GANG GANG GANG!

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