Perverts At The Noodle Shop

I decided to date a pervert and they invited me to hangout with their “community”. I now know better, so take this as a warning. There are horrors that you are not ready to experience in this world. I am just your simple average wholesome poster. 

These perverts, they use an internet portal experience to plot their devious acts. I signed up for such a strange website only so I could take a look at the stock of humans on display. Oh let me tell you, my efforts were well compensated. These losers filled out various profiles and engaged in various public conversations. Perfect for me to pick apart.

The first lolcow among the crowd was this dude who was an active group poster. He seemed so eager to attend all the meetings. Taking a look over his pathetic profile revealed that he was a virgin. Not only that, he was like, “if only a woman was so kind as to let me do perverted stuff with her”. LOL! This is a prime example of a fucking unloveable male loser. This dude is probably too retarded to be loved. No self respecting woman would fuck this man.

It was a good thing that most of the male specimens were not of this variety. Most of them were above average late 20s doms looking for that elusive tight submissive college pussy. Damn Straight! Fine dudes, I might even have humored one of them by being in a relationship with them. Let me stress how above average these dudes are. They look moderately successful. They have a sense of fashion, good taste, and maintain their bodies. As if that was enough in the current year. I want to date only superior male specimens. 

It is quite clear that some men among the group are conquerors, they stay here for profit. But there is a good showing of the soyboi parade. The earlier case was the most pathetic member. Who is really fucking these people? Yes! Yes? Yes! They are totally fucking and it is gross. More on that as the story develops.

So I am heading to the noodle shop, Yeah! Noodle shop! FUCK YEAH! I am gonna munch on them noodles, oh yeah. You gonna give me them noodles, baby? FUCK YEAH!

I awake from my dream. A very worrying vision of what will come soon. I loved that noodle shop, but I must confess the sad truth. I have never gone to that noodle shop since. All of my fears had fallen short of the real truth. The horror oh lord, my stomach curdles in absolute sickness. AHHHHHHH!!!!!

Listen, we need to get on track. I am starting to lose my mind. I must attempt to calm down and tell you the story. 

So I see some dude who is walking down the street holding hands with another dude. I notice that there are a whole bunch of these homosexuals. What is with all these gay people in this college town. How stereotypical. I bring it up with someone I know and they tell me that 10% of the population is gaaaaay yaaas queen slay. I am like no only like 2%. Then they be like no 10%. So I just look it up and I win the argument. Facts over feelings once again. 

This was like a metaphor for a penis measuring contest. I win because I have a 10 inch penis and they have a 2 inch penis. HAHAHA! But you know this story does have a point. People can believe that they are normal, but they are not. You see what I mean bruh. It is like the context of only living in College Town, USA. It is silly, you know?

So after I have this conversation, I am waltzing on the block. I run into an inspiring group of gun protesters. They have a point about the government wanting to take away gun rights. It is a real shame that we get to debate the rights of people. Some people in this world who have fears of another, they get to debate our rights. You know that sounds fucked up.

You see this is also a metaphor for penis stuff. It is like some people have guns and they do bad stuff with their guns. But hey dude, like is that so bad? Like men are cool and I respect their right to be men. I think we shouldn’t shame them, you know? 

But this all reminds me of a group chat message I got a while back. Some of these people had a different tune. They were like what is with this trangender protest. They say that we can’t debate the rights of transgender people. We live in a democratic society, don’t we? It all just begs the question, like what is a right? You know it is not a this side or a that side issue. Both sides be switching their tune on different days and different ideas. I support all sides. 

You know and this is also a metaphor about penis. Some people don’t want to have guns, and they are the transgenders. Like hey man you can keep your gun and I can get rid of mine. We just all are like okay with each other, because there is an understanding and empathy with all people of all conditions. You know?

However, when it comes down to the perverts in the noodle shop. HOLY SHIT! Nevermind! I was too tolerant for this fucking world!

So I arrive at the noodle shop and turn the corner to find the group playing a game of cards against humanity. I sit across the long table from my partner. We smiled at each other and made gestures. Now the first thing I noticed was the glut of the late 20s doms that I noticed in the online group. They had an initial response of wondering how a beautiful young thing like me ended up in this group. I could see it in their eyes. The gaze in amazement that I was here with my partner, someone who was not very attractive. It is a stun, but an opportunity. 

A man’s opportunity is never exhausted as long as men have something that man doesn’t. It is the sheer might of the male dom that could conquer me and smash into submission my partner. But there was a clear order here, a perversion of order, the commie mommy dommy and her flock of beta bois. She was the largest being this side of the Appalachian mountains. Flanked by her main bitch a snarling young bearded man, her virgin boy well tamed by the promise of some pussy boss, and an exceedingly large stack of bowls of noodles. 

She was a card shark and a master player of cards against humanity. Leading as I entered the game, I quickly began to chase up behind her. Biting at her heels. She played, “It’s late at night and you’re in bed with your lover, Patrick Stewart. He leans over and asks ‘How about Playing my asshole like a trumpet?’”. I responded with an excellent win on a two card with, “The National Rifle Association be all like Gay thoughts”. She responded with quite a very excellent play, “What’s up YouTube? User DanTheMan wanted to see Reaching an age where barbecue chips are better than sex, so here we go”. Everything was going smoove until I played on her turn as judge, “Donald J. Trump. High five, bro”. It was a power play, let us see her true colors. I am ready to escalate.

When she saw the cards she sneered as she read them out loud, “looks like we, snort snort, looks like we got a Trump supporter here”. She cracked her whip and her main bitch boy cried as the whip cracked against his weak and pathetic flesh, “oh yes commie mommy dommy indeed, eeeeeekkkkkkk”. All of her bitch boi orbiters screeched and nodded in agreement. The virgin gave a speech as if to move commie mommy dommy to finally award him with sex:

I would never even think of supporting Trump, commie mommy dommy. I would be unworthy of your greatness. I am nothing but an inferior man, but I would never make such an error to support the master of man, Trump. I am a treacherous and slimy male who serves the female kind. BELIEVE ME MOMMY!

This was far worse than I had imagined as even the male doms had sweat running down the back of their necks. They feared commie mommy dommy; They feared the truth being revealed; They loved Donald J. Trump. What a bunch of poor souls. These are supposed to be the powerful men among us? They are those who conquer and subjugate for great sexual gains? No. They are a rentier class who live at the express permission of commie mommy dommy. They are mere tributaries of the khan and not sovereign among men. 

Commie mommy dommy glanced over at me and despite me joining the game late, I was only behind 1 point. In a move of pure power she grabbed the virgin and slammed him against the table. She of course was careful to not spill the bowl of noodles she was eating. She took them as she hopped on the table to mount the virgin beta boi. Eating the noodles as she crushed the virgin beneath her enormous and powerful body. The sex was fucking disgusting, I am not going to describe it. YOU FUCKING PERVERTS! 

As the bowl was quickly cleaned she fell onto the body of the virgin and crushed him. This allowed her to quickly slurp down his half dead body. This hardly invoked any emotional response among the group. She was merely acting in the normal behavior among the perverts. After all, this was consensual and she is a queen yaaaas slaaay. 

The power of the male dom was illusory, if they truly exercised it… they would quickly have it stripped away. In private and when others do not gawk at them, they can cast a ballot for… giggle… Trump. How silly they think he is their savior. They will, if among the perverts, always be subject to commie mommy dommy.

Commie mommy dommy got off the table and began cracking the whip at any pathetic male she could see. Even occasionally grabbing one of the doms into the mix. They are uncomfortable with this arrangement, but what power do they have to change this. Sitting in her chair as she grabbed people with her massive whip and pulled them into her fantasy. They all dance around her as she continuously cracks whips at them. Soon the entire shop was being dragged into the perversion. People’s noodles were also being snatched up by the whip, in what can only be described as good technique. I just sat there across from my partner eating my noodles. Commie mommy dommy dared not to touch my partner or even more importantly my noodles. She had a bit of intelligence in her. 

I finished my noodles and got up gesturing to my partner that I desire to leave now. I then reached into my coat pocket and pulled out a small handgun. I proceeded to shoot commie mommy dommy, ending her pathetic life. I have real power, I am ready to exercise it. That is what you get for cheating me out of a win in cards against humanity. All the perverts began to orbit me as if I became their new queen. I am not a pervert, so I left.

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