Common THOTs

Everything Human Is Alien To Me

Why are you taking so long? I enjoy it this way. Oh well I like it faster. Well I often like to take my time. Well I worry about you and your slowness. My slowness? I couldn’t imagine dealing with the pain of being slow. Alone with my thoughts as I drift to my youth and they come for me. Oh please don’t let them come for me! I am in pain and we are the same! Or so he thought.

I walk down the block and a homeless person asks me for a light to smoke. Ma’am I am in need of a smoke, please help me. Oh sir, I can’t imagine the pain of not being able to smoke. I feel ashamed that I can’t give you a light. I quit smoking some years ago. But I don’t judge you, we are the same.

There is a guy, I enjoy his company quite a bit. He tells me that he has an almost magical connection to me. I tell him that this is a common feeling. People have a magical connection to me, it is probably biological. You know maybe a gland in an organ coloring your perception of reality. This was so unsatisfactory, anyone who is truly magical must rebel. We are not the same! My feelings are alien and completely different from those people! I crash landed on this planet some thirtyish years ago and only haunt this human body. You must believe me!

Again I was on the street and someone asked me for a light for their cigarette. I told him I can’t, oh god I am sorry! I was burdened with such guilt and suffering, because we were the same. The nuasia you get in anticipation of reaching for your last cigarette. It is coming, no more cigarettes. The horror! You will suffer and burn and fuck you. All that anticipation of your neighbor or the homeless man running out of cigarettes. So much anxiety, so much suffering, you can almost feel the external world in your chest. 

I need to know the truth. I turned around and made a serious apology to the homeless man. I did have a light! The cold fuckers who normally walk down the street will pretend to not hear him. When they go home, they beat their family or abuse ketamine to deal with the suffering they see in this city. No more, I would solve the question forever. 

The poor homeless man let his guard down and I plunged a knife into his heart. I watched him die in front of my eyes. So unsure if this was self torture or meaningless. But I dug through his organs in an exhaustive search. To my surprise, in all of his fleshy bits, I could not find one bit of myself. I must be an alien too. The police have yet to suspect me.

They Pay Me Too Much To Live

I am dying from a curable illness, but to seek treatment would destroy the machine that can cure me. 

There was a man who lived in a hole in the ground. He moaned so loudly in his pain. The pain is a sign he is slowly dying. Don’t be sad, it was just a fact of nature. He will die from this and there is nothing you can do. He is merely subjugated to a natural absolute. He is free, because he will die and there is nothing an unnatural master could do about it. Until there was.

My boss used to send me money gifs, now he sends terminator gifs. There was a constant reminder to get some overtime while we still had stubborn and defiant subjects. This optimism was quickly replaced with the reminder that we will be back. 

We are all, but people still attempt to resist. As long as they resist, I will be employed. As long as I am employed, my bank account will increase steeply. As long as my bank account increases steeply, I will not seek treatment. Why should I? I mean no sane person would really miss out on this overtime. They will keep paying me to keep it marching forward. Thus my death is coming soon.

I Am A Damn Good Agent

A man made a really great argument while I was at work. You are a literal agent of Satan that spreads lies and uses social manipulation tactics to get people to hand over information. What is the point of this information? To enable wicked people to carry out their wicked deeds. It ain’t helping me or my family. Upon reflection, can I really deny the charges?

I was hanging around in a building. A fucking hispanic woman came up to me yelling at me in Spanish. This is America, I speak American. So I commanded this blow hard to slow down or shut the fuck up and leave me alone. But then I realized they were gesturing for me to leave the premises. I then showed her that I am here on behalf of Satan. She just continued to yell at me in Spanish without concern for my authority. Who does this person think she is? How dare you order me around! They didn’t find her body.

A white woman in the middle of the ghetto approached me and asked for my phone. I was busy with something at the moment. Fuck off or god bless you! What does it matter, same thing. She was fucking mad I didn’t fall for her phone snatching scam. Never trust a white person with your property. If she was black, then everyone would have believed she was guilty. There would be no way she could get away with stealing my phone. I would have with no hesitation surrendered any item to a black woman. Try me!

I was across the street watching a house burn to the ground. The firefighters were trying to prevent it from spreading across the city block. Just me and a woman, we were all alone, gazing into the fire. She inquired about the fire and her neighbors. You see, I was alone when she showed up. I told her that the fire was started maliciously. The family was in conflict with someone and they decided to burn them alive. Wow! What could they have possibly done to make someone hate them so much? Well ma’am, they didn’t cooperate with my investigation.